When I came in after doing my independent study, I ran into a girl in our program that I first talked to at the airport. She was crying because her professor was upset with her because they lost her while touring. I walked her to the patio to talk to her, she was histarical. She was upset because she was having a hard time with making friends, and wanted to go home because she felt she wasn't capable and unworthy of being here. All because they lost her. I tried to calm her down to make her listen. I saw so much of how I felt 54 pounds ago; self conscious. I was never as emotional or distraught as she was visibly, but I felt her reaction. After calming her down, I said to her, you can't let people see you crack or act out of emotion. She said she wanted to go home, I asked her for why? All she could say is that she couldn't do this. I told her if she couldn't she wouldn't be here, and just being here shows how strong she is. When she explained to me that she gets yelled at a lot at home and now here, I knew her reaction was deeper than her being upset because she got lost and her professor was mad. I also explained to her that not keeping up all the time is bound to happen and that she is not the first or the only student that has gotten left behind or lost. She said she wanted to apologize to her professor but I convinced her to wait until she had calmed down. Yet still tears continued to fall down her cheek. She comes of as a overly dramatic person and a attention seeker. At least that's how I started to feel while watching her cry. But I told her what I say to myself every time I find myself dwelling on past issues. Get up and get over it, stop acting out of emotion because when you do you'll make an even bigger problem than you did. It's a mental thing. It's not easy trying to lose weight, or fit in. Health is for your own personal betterment, not so you can appeal to other people or fit in. I had to remind her that she is here for a purpose or reason and although she may not know why right now, she will someday. But being a Debbie downer was going to make things worse. Even then she continued to say she wanted to go home. I felt in my heart she didn't mean that. She's just mad. I was right because I asked her "and then what?" She didn't have an answer. What does that solve? We hugged it out and I went up stais to do my homework. I hope what I said to her made her feel better and encouraged her to stay here and stick it out. Assuming it did, today she's here.
As human beings we can be our own worst critique, so focused on the negatives, that the positives, which is what we want, get looked over. As much as I'm so conscious about my body and weight over here, I'm becoming mentally conscious about my thoughts.
